Assignment #2 Exageration

I have very large breasts. I would suggest they look like basketballs, but at my age they are now more like watermelons. They have such a presence I have named them Betty and Barbra but mostly I refer to them as “the girls”.

Betty and Barbra control all aspects of my life.  Sleep is always difficult, especially if Betty wants me to sleep on my back, Barbra wants me to sleep on my stomach, and I want to sleep on my side. My husband has placed pillows between us for fear he might be knocked unconscious when I turn over.

I can no longer swim because the girls float up, covering my entire face thus threatening to drown me. The weight required to weigh them down would send me straight to the bottom of the pool  so I plop them on the side of the pool to sun which was their desire all along.

I used to play tennis but as the girls grew in stature they decided to play net area while I preferred to play the service line.  I have never liked team tennis.

Crumbs never make it passed my breasts to my lap so I have exchanged napkins for bibs.  The bibs are dual purpose because the girls often poke around on my food plate to see what interests them. Before bibs everyone knew what the girls had eaten lately.

I know one might think how gorgeous the girls might look in Victoria’s Secret bras.  But alas, Victoria’s Secret does not make bras large enough to warehouse Betty and Barbra.  These girls require rebar underwire so I have them manufactured by a local welding shop.  The cutest design available is a hot copper number I wear on my anniversary.

Betty and Barbra have also been good friends to hang with.  They always make a grand entrance, entering rooms way before I do.  I own only one cocktail/evening dress which has a scooped neckline so the girls can see out.  I am able to wear this dress on every occasion as no one ever remembers the dress because the girls make such an impression.  I know they are more interesting than I am because it seems people talk to them rather than me.

They also made it possible to not lose any sleep breasting feeding my babies.  They easily stretched from the master bedroom to the nursery.

The best thing the girls have done for me was attract my husband. They caught his attention but then were gracious enough to let me wile him with my charms.  I am glad he wasn’t a leg man. 

As they have grown in stature, unfortunately so has the rest of me.  I would like to lose weight but I know that if I do so the girls will shrink. I am not sure I can part with my bosom buddies.